The Image Is Everything: Of Anniversaries..

This post is personal. It's a bit like people speaking publicly about a health crisis like cancer, etc.? At it's heart is about doing what is right, and following your dreams.?

Today is the 17th of March 2013.? It's an important anniversary for my kids and me.? On this day 12 months ago several key things happened.

First, after almost 6 months of living separated under the same roof, which is a tiring and toxic state of affairs, I decided that I simply had to skip a weekend working at the track so that the kids and I could actually spend a Saturday out and about hunting for a house to rent (the fact that we had to shift still does grate on me!), because Saturday was when most rental properties were open for inspection.

One of the houses on our list was a little white house, close to the kids school, with a small shed and carport. It was nice and clean, with new paint and carpet, and nice bedrooms, including really nice built in wardrobes in 2 of the 3 bedrooms, and a quirky little 3 way bedroom. It also had a nice safe feel to it. And safe at this point was important to me. No house in Canberra is cheap to rent, and as a single mother who's sole occupation was as at the time struggling thoroughbred photographer, we so far hadn't been able to compete against the hordes of dual income professional type families we were up against. Canberra had a 1% vacancy rate in the rental market, and we kept missing out. This house was at the top end of our price range.

This is part of an email I wrote to someone about my day.

"I am house hunting this morning. Nipped home quickly for a short break before going to see more houses. One looks v nice actually, seeing it at 1pm. No doubt with half of Canberra!!!!"

After seeing 5 houses that day, and being thoroughly tired out, we almost bailed on going.? But at the last minute we decided it would be fun to go out and watch "Skyfire", which is Canberra's annual fireworks display, by Lake Burley Griffin, with my brother Tom.? We ate pizza on the grass in front of the National Museum, and had a great evening, even though it turned bitterly cold by the end of the night.? These are the photos of us having a lovely family time by the lake, in a space by other families doing exactly the same thing.

The rain that had been threatening all evening began in earnest 30 minutes before the fireworks began, so we all retreated to the cover of the Museum and braved it out until the Fireworks began.? When they started, we all grabbed our umbrellas, and hurried closer to the shore for a better look, clutching the kids close to us to stay warm and dry.

As soon as the fireworks had finished, we packed up the kids and, along with the half of Canberra that was on our side of the bridge, began the drive home, arriving about 9.15pm. I was putting the kids through the bath and shower before bed when I was confronted by a really nasty and terrifying incident. I finally took the stand I should have years ago, and did something about it, but it was scary, because rage, especially when given that added tickle by alcohol, is a most unpredictable emotion.

I recall sending a friend a message late that night in the hope he'd see it and reply that evening. Phoning was out of the question, but I really needed to talk to someone, to get me through the night. Of course they didn't see it until the next morning. My inability to reach this important friend in a crisis should have sounded warning bells, and I should have texted my brother or sister, on whom I could always rely on in a crisis. It was a scary night and I didn't sleep at all, and the next day wasn't much better, but we got through in one piece which was what counted in the end.

So on Monday there was absolutely NO question about filling in the rental application forms and getting them in. To my immense relief and surprise, we got the little White House. The real estate then said we could have the house from that weekend, which was of course too soon! So I managed to wrangle an extra week, and phoned my Dad to tell him about the crisis and the offer of the house. He transferred the emergency money for the bond and rent in advance to me, a not insignificant amount of money. By Thursday morning I was sitting in the real estate office signing the first lease I'd ever signed in my entire life. It was scary, it was emotional, and I sat and cried in the office. She patted my hand and told me in 12 months time I would look back with a laugh and a smile at my despair at the time, and think it was the best thing I had ever done. They've been the best landlords, both the owners and the real estate office, and they are proud of my achievements with the Famous Pony Black Caviar, and I think that's a nice thing.

Of course next came the panic to move. My friends and family rallied around me (well, the real friends did anyway) and helped me. My gorgeous 'man-friend' Brad, surprised me on the Friday evening turning up with 4 big strong men, and a big trailer and 2 tray top utes, and we got all the heavy difficult things out on Friday 30 March, with official moving in day 31st. Fenella and Evan, whom I know for at Dunstone Design, came and helped with their van, and also did the most important dismantling of the wonderful Dunstone Design bed, and put it back together. Kerry and Channy from the canteen helped.? Kerry came and helped pack and move.? Channy helped by 'loaning' us her fabulous husband Paul and his equally ace trailer! Tracy came and helped, AND gifted the girl who officially hates to vacuum the lovely and actually v nice to use and brand new vacuum cleaner. And other friends helped with the kids. Angela brought her horse float on the Sunday, and helped shift several more loads. And my brother Tom?? Well, what more can I say about him??? He was there through all of the hard stuff all weekend, and all week before and after we moved, and ever since that day as well. We were stiff, and sore, but triumphant by the end of the weekend.?

So I guess my own message is this: If you really think your life is terrible, or even if you are just genuinely unhappy and feel like you are dying inside, and your hopes and dreams (including your safety!) are important to you, it IS possible that there is another life, a different and a better life. It takes courage, but 12 months on, just like Samantha said to me, I look back at it as being one of the best days of my life. And it is incredible the energy that being happier brings, and finally being able to pursue what's important to you.

My business is now building, gradually and steadily. The profile, which has simmered away always threatening but not quite managing to be busy and important, is steadily becoming more and more prominent, and, most importantly, we are becoming successful.Ok , there was no 'ring' on my finger, but being in a defacto relationship with kids and a mortgage is just as binding as those who have walked 'down the isle'.??

These are the words on renowned writer (and funny guy, who therefore makes it far more human!), Greg Bernhardt:

?"Marriage, particularly when there are children, is harder to walk away from.? We didn't come here to be in loveless relationships with people who don't respect us.? This might be controversial, but I believe marriage is just a relationship tied to a legal document.? It shouldn't be an excuse to be miserable for the rest of your life.? Also, I have many friends who grew up with parents who were just not that into each other, and a 100% of them wished their parents had left and found happiness so they could have some model for what that is".

My kids are like most kids.? There were times when they found it tough, and sad, and upsetting.? But their love for me has never wavered, and they accept what has happened, and what had to be done.? At the end of the day, they supported my decision to take a huge breath and to see whether a different life would indeed be better for us, and they are happier children as a result. ?

Source: http://bronwenhealyphotography.blogspot.com/2013/03/of-anniversaries.html

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